Conflict Management for Preschoolers: What Works (and Why)
Preschool conflict—two kids, one blue truck…it’s not hard to see where that goes. While frustrating situations like these are, well, frustrating, they are an important and common piece of early childhood education. The goal with conflict is not to avoid it at all costs, but to coach children through it, helping them to build communication, self control, empathy, and problem solving skills. While it can be hard to be the adult in these coaching scenarios, we have compiled some research-backed tactics to use at home, out and about, or within the classroom.
Conflict resolution is not just a major part of early childhood education, but of life, as well. Here at Chest Child Development Center we strive to give children a solid foundation for education and life. Call today to schedule a tour and ask how we help our students mitigate conflict amongst their peers.
1) Stay Cool, Calm, and Collected
Before you focus on the conflict at hand, children might need help regulating the moment. Move close, use a low voice, and set a clear boundary: “I can’t let you hit.” Prioritize safety, then move to coaching words that children can use next such as: “Please stop,” “It is my turn,” or “Can we trade?”). The organization Zero to Three emphasizes the need for calm intervention and concrete language during common conflicts like sharing and grabbing.
Conflict between children is a regular and normal occurrence and helping children navigate the rocking of their world (“She took the toy I wanted!!”) is a major role of our educators here at Chester Child Development Center. We want to help them not simply navigate conflict well as preschoolers, but on and into adulthood, as well. Call us today to check on our classroom openings and to schedule a tour to see learning in action!
2) Name feelings, then name the problem
Children often melt down because the feeling is bigger than their ability to express it. Helping children name their feelings and then the problem at hand can help them build the skills necessary to resolve it on their own, in the future. Briefly explain the emotion—“You’re mad; you wanted the truck”—and then identify the conflict—“You both want the same toy.” This helps children grow in their understanding of how to communicate their feelings so they can later work towards a solution.
3) Coach a Simple Problem Solving Routine
A predictable script reduces chaos. Try: Stop → Say the problem → Think of ideas → Agree → Try it. The NAEYC recommends concise, developmentally appropriate steps that build self-regulation and language while children address everyday social conflicts.
As children are learning, it is important to keep in mind that there will be lots of these teaching moments. Our early childhood educators here at Chester Child Development Center are excellent problem solvers. Schedule a tour today to come by and meet our teachers as well as ask about their tried and true techniques for conflict management within their classrooms.
4) Building on the Brain Development
Conflict management comes with the development of executive function (which is seen in attention, working memory, and impulse control). Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child notes that executive function and self-regulation are like an “air traffic control system” for behavior and that they can be taught and practiced through playful, scaffolded routines. Strengthen these skills with play that requires turn-taking, waiting, and flexible rules such as board games, cleanup races, and even “Simon Says.”
5) Teach the Appropriate Language to Use
As problems arise at home, at the playground, or within a daycare or childcare setting, teach children phrases they can pull out when needed. Remember, repetition makes the difference. Phrases such as, “Please stop,” “I don’t like that,” “My turn in 2 minutes,” “Let’s trade” can be modeled and rehearsed until they are like second nature to a child. The NAEYC encourages celebrating peacemaking out loud–“You found a way to share and kept your bodies safe!”–which reinforces the skills you want to see again.
Our early childhood educators here at Chester Child Development Center see the importance of teaching their students to clearly articulate their feelings and needs, especially within emotionally charged conflict. The skills they teach lay the foundation for further communication and conflict management as they grow. Call today to schedule a tour and ask about conflict management within the classroom.
6) Developmentally Appropriate Conflict
Understanding childhood development enough to have developmentally appropriate expectations of your child is key. At around the ages of 2–3, parallel play and impulsive grabbing are common; by 4–5, children can take turns and follow simple rules with support. Use appropriate expectations to guide coaching and avoid shaming. The CDC’s milestones and checklists highlight growing capacities in sharing, turn-taking, and rule-following across the preschool years.
7) Address the Need
Hitting and biting spike under fatigue, crowding, or stress. Addressing the need (rest, space, or a snack) is essential in helping address the issue, but also keeping an eye out as the adult to catch this need before it erupts will be hugely beneficial. Address the need, protect the child’s peers, and then coach a replacement behavior.
We have a daily schedule that we follow here at Chester child Development Center that is a great aid not only for keeping the day on track, but also in supplying children with the different things they need–rest, outside time, lunch, and snacks, helping to mitigate conflict and schedule uncertainty. Call us up today, we would be happy to share our daily class schedules!
Conflict to Connection
With consistent coaching between home, childcare settings, and preschool classrooms, conflicts can become daily workouts for empathy, self-control, and communication building, rather than frustrating chaos. Building this foundation will help children strengthen the emotional and social-relational muscles they need to thrive in early childhood education and beyond.
Here at Chester Child Development Center we want to see our children grow not just intellectually, but emotionally, socially, and so much more! We want to come along side your family to prepare your child for life, not just for Kindergarten (though, we will do that, too!) Call us up here at Chester CDC to find out about our classroom openings and see more of what we are all about.